Mother, Should I build the wall?

On a late night thoughts meditation, I come across a song I haven’t heard since forever; “ Mother” by Pink Floyd.

It always takes me back in time as it reverses my mind to raw memories of my mother.

mother_pink-floyd_2She wasn’t the coolest mother at all. My mother isn’t the best in showing her affection.

When I was born after 6th children she was tired. She cared. But she was tired, and relied on my sisters to care after me.

We lived in a huge house, and the youngest of three sisters and three brothers, it was always easy to get lost somehow.

In a huge house you can always listen to the echoes of the shouting, frustration and conflicts between her eldest teenagers. She was somehow divided by breaking out the arguments, cooking, or following up with schools assignments for the younger ones.

As I approached my teenage years, I turned in to a rebel. And our relationship got even worse. The stricter she became the more we grew apart.

As a teenager I didn’t really care if I missed the school bus, but she did.

I didn’t care if I over ate and got a bit chubby, but she did.

I didn’t care if I dyed my hair red, and looked like one of the insane clown posse, but she did.

As a teenager, I observed what she really cared about and I did the exact opposite.

I used to think, what we had been unfixable. I would consider that we are two different people that happened to live under the same roof. For me she was the woman who brought me to this world.

I often think to myself now, as I became a mother of my own, why do I call her often to take her advice? Why do I ask her to take care of my child while I feel like going out? Why do I ask her to cook for my family when I don’t feel like it? And why did I suddenly forget about our unfixable relationship?

I realize that things change when we get busy living this life. We are human beings and our emotions change often, we make mistakes, we say stuff that we never tend to say at some points, we regret and try to make up for the lost times, especially when we realize that life is short and at any point, we might not make up the time we had with our parents.

Now that I’m in my thirties, I look at my friends who lost one of their parents, I see the pain they feel for what is left unspoken or done. And I realize how privileged I am that my mother is still here. I’m very lucky that I still have her around when I need her. To listen to her memories when she was young, before she got married and had her children. And I see the spark of her eyes light again as I am reminded that she is a human being after all. She didn’t have the burden of life. She lost her self in this Journey.

The only difference between her and me that she didn’t have anyone to rely on when she had us. She juggled between tasks and busy chaotic life, which she never assigned her self in to.

She might not have shown a lot of affection in the past, but she has allowed us to focus on what she has missed before. Which is life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

My so-called Inspiration

When I finally published my book after three years of writing. My friends and family constantly asked me, how? Why? And what was your inspiration?

I remember the first time I was asked about my muse, it took me some time to twist my story or make a good one, a story of an inspiration that is somehow memorable and delightful. Rather than just say,

“Well the truth is, I found out that I was pregnant and incase you don’t know, but some pregnancy hormones can mess some shit up.”

That’s the true story. But the other part of the story is that

I always wanted to write, I always had this urge since I was 9 years old. Back then I wrote on and off, which my father kept in his office and I never asked to revisit those manuscripts since a very long time.

As I was divided by a very busy life through out the years, I put writing at the back of my head. I always thought that I would go back to writing someday. This day came when I learned that I was pregnant. Just then I felt compelled to finish writing a whole novel before my teeny life changer come to take over my time. Plus I felt like I needed to document my emotional state at that period, through my characters’.

Six months after changing diapers, it was time to edit my first draft. Going back to my manuscript was very hard and very painful to read. Most of the ideas, I really don’t know where they came from, and I still cant figure out how this whole story came together. When in doubt, I would say it’s my pregnancy brain, it felt like it was someone else. I realize that I used lots of description, adverbs, fantasy, and spiritual topics that I avoid talking about it in real life. I don’t intentionally blame my pregnancy bundle of hormones, but it made me realize that each writer can be taken by their emotional state of mind.

After editing “The Womb”, I had the chance to change lots of events in the plot, I had advices where to add, what to avoid, and better ways to kill one of my characters. Nevertheless, I chose to leave it as it is, I know it will effect people’s reviews and the way they see it. But I needed to keep it as a reminder of how fragile I was, and how much I will advance emotionally and mentally in my future novels. For me this book was a wreck of a dark place and a subject that found me.

Everyone have these dark places that like to keep hidden, I chose to expose it all, somehow; with “The Womb”.

 

Your reviews are always welcome,

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Was it wrong to publish my first E-book now?

AuthorUphillBattle.pngWhen my publicist called me this week that it was time to write my first blog of the week, he gave me the following advice.

-“Tell your audience what was your inspiration for “The Womb”.

However I chose not to make it my first blog (although I’m going to write about it in my next one)

This morning I woke up feeling that it was a huge mistake to publish my first e-book, don’t get me wrong, I’m proud that I actually wrote a novel and that I had the courage to publish it. And so the likes of the billions new authors out there who choose to be self published writers. But since starting my campaign three days ago, I know its so little time to judge, but here were my expectations vs. reality.

  • 1000 followers at least the first week on all social media accounts (twitter, Facebook, blog), and of course millions likes and shares on each post.
  • The overwhelming word of mouth of friend’s and family.
  • The higher potential to find a real agent for my second novel thanks to my first one.

 

Now looking at the above, none of this happened just yet. I guess this is what they call when you start from the scratch. Why not? I am a self-starter and I had to learn it the hard way and so it will take me more time to establish myself than I thought. Since I didn’t have guidance, neither a manual to know how to start this up. This blog can be helpful for new authors.

I read a lot to observe the situation. Plus, I though a lot about what went wrong, and so here is what I found out to fix it. Read 21t things you need to know about self-publishing by James Altucher.

  • Before publishing this novel, I should have written more blogs anywhere before starting my own blog. And what I mean is writing on other websites and what connects in my current book, which is spirituality and life after death.

I should have looked for such sites, and by the way; they wouldn’t mind to write such blogs because it can be equally useful to them as it is to you. Also in this case, I would have connected more to their readers and I would have built a readers platform before I went on and published my e-book.

Without readers of my own, if I have written 10 books by now, it would be worthless. And even if I hired the best publicist in the world, all is relied on is the actual readers you build yourself. This also can be mirrored to other writers whether your interest in sports, fashion, politics, finance, real estates…etc.

 

  • My first platform readers usually comes from the people I know. Their first language is Arabic as I come from the Middle –East. Although most of them are fluent in English but this barrier will continue, as their preference is to read in Arabic language. Or not to read at all. as in this business we have high supply and low demand.

One of my dear Neighbors who is Syrian, was very honest me with me. He asked the other day. “ How much your e-book costs”?

My husband replied, “ 11$ if you want to get a paper back”

He said, “ how about I give you the 11$ and you consider that I already read your book”.

It was a good laugh at the time. But thinking about it, this is how most of the people I know consider reading a book.

I’m still trying to figure out the solution for this one.

  • The problems resulting from self-publishing. Now I can write literally a whole book from this point (and I’m going to write more about it in my next blogs) As my experience from self publishing wasn’t a fruitful one. I can tell you this; as long as your book got potentials, you are on board. Nevertheless, you are nothing but a cash machine for such publishers. So it becomes a continuous pressure to sell more in order to make up the money you already paid.

But its still has pros and cons. Whether you are self-published or not. You are still going to work on your marketing and building up your audience.

Some people would think its crazy to write such blog while still marketing my first book. But as I emphasized this blog is for self-starters and new writers like who can learn from my experience.

Before publishing my book, I was afraid to actually read the other new authors experiences. Because I thought it might discourage me, and I don’t want such negativity in my writing career.

Well I was wrong. And I’m glad that I know now. It challenged me more to continue writing, and to learn from the others mistakes. I will continue growing my audience platform, by fixing my mistakes from my points above. It is never too late.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Welcome!

Welcome. My name is May G, author of The Womb. I’m so happy to have you as a visitor to my blog about my new book. This project is very special to me, and I hope to share some of that excitement with you here.

I’ll be using this blog to interact with you about The Womb, expanding on some of the topics in it and blogging on some of the ideas related to my book. This is a great place for you to get to know me, and I’m looking forward to getting to know you, too. What did you think of The Womb? What questions do you have for me? How do you relate to my book?

I’ll be returning here frequently with new posts and responses to feedback from you. Until next time, tell me a little bit about yourself.