My so-called Inspiration

When I finally published my book after three years of writing. My friends and family constantly asked me, how? Why? And what was your inspiration?

I remember the first time I was asked about my muse, it took me some time to twist my story or make a good one, a story of an inspiration that is somehow memorable and delightful. Rather than just say,

“Well the truth is, I found out that I was pregnant and incase you don’t know, but some pregnancy hormones can mess some shit up.”

That’s the true story. But the other part of the story is that

I always wanted to write, I always had this urge since I was 9 years old. Back then I wrote on and off, which my father kept in his office and I never asked to revisit those manuscripts since a very long time.

As I was divided by a very busy life through out the years, I put writing at the back of my head. I always thought that I would go back to writing someday. This day came when I learned that I was pregnant. Just then I felt compelled to finish writing a whole novel before my teeny life changer come to take over my time. Plus I felt like I needed to document my emotional state at that period, through my characters’.

Six months after changing diapers, it was time to edit my first draft. Going back to my manuscript was very hard and very painful to read. Most of the ideas, I really don’t know where they came from, and I still cant figure out how this whole story came together. When in doubt, I would say it’s my pregnancy brain, it felt like it was someone else. I realize that I used lots of description, adverbs, fantasy, and spiritual topics that I avoid talking about it in real life. I don’t intentionally blame my pregnancy bundle of hormones, but it made me realize that each writer can be taken by their emotional state of mind.

After editing “The Womb”, I had the chance to change lots of events in the plot, I had advices where to add, what to avoid, and better ways to kill one of my characters. Nevertheless, I chose to leave it as it is, I know it will effect people’s reviews and the way they see it. But I needed to keep it as a reminder of how fragile I was, and how much I will advance emotionally and mentally in my future novels. For me this book was a wreck of a dark place and a subject that found me.

Everyone have these dark places that like to keep hidden, I chose to expose it all, somehow; with “The Womb”.


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